Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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