I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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