Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
