Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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