I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
