In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
