She said her name was "party"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The uberlube is also flammable
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
