Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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