so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
