you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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