lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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