I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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