I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
