So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need moral support for this bender
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
