I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
