Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
