I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.