I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.