I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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