I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
