No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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