So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
