Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
