I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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