So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
