They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
