it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
