He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
