Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
