how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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