Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think i have two assholes
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Randomize
