HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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