Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
