You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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