yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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