i think my tv is drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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