this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
