Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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