I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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