so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just cut my nipple shaving
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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