I need to stop coming to work sober
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
