it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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