just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize