I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
