I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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