I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
