I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
