Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
