when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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