What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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