I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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