What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
