it wasn't lemon gatorade
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
