No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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