I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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