So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
