The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
