You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
