What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
