Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This house was built for laser tag.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
