Im at strip club and am horny
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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