you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
