you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
