just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
