I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
