This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
