Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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