i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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