You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
