I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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