I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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