I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
