You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize