Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?

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  (614): youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right? http://tfl.nu/3ekq
  Replies (19) Good night (718) Bad night (1778)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

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  (847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju
  Replies (209) Good night (19924) Bad night (1056)
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  (831): View more from California

  It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night

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  (831): It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night http://tfl.nu/8gcp
  Replies (13) Good night (6257) Bad night (1540)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.

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  (720): The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in. http://tfl.nu/itcs
  Replies (34) Good night (1921) Bad night (5211)
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.

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  (+31): No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/gz4d
  Replies (23) Good night (11619) Bad night (945)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"

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  (203): well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father" http://tfl.nu/5bjg
  Replies (20) Good night (1219) Bad night (5652)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins

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  (507): Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins http://tfl.nu/hk0d
  Replies (12) Good night (5708) Bad night (1133)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

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  (314): My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned" http://tfl.nu/aoz0
  Replies (12) Good night (4301) Bad night (1191)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

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  (717): What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese. http://tfl.nu/9uuf
  Replies (10) Good night (5020) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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  (660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2202) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Why didn't I see you last night!?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.

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  (203): Why didn't I see you last night!? (1-203): We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you. http://tfl.nu/iqgq
  Replies (6) Good night (5224) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good

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  (646): last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good http://tfl.nu/h7gj
  Replies (16) Good night (1928) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you

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  (217): You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you http://tfl.nu/uqrj
  Replies (2) Good night (1911) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine

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  (917): I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine http://tfl.nu/wwy9
  Replies (13) Good night (591) Bad night (1760)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long

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  (601): Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long http://tfl.nu/yjw4
  Replies (6) Good night (452) Bad night (281)

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