Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.

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  (410): the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina. http://tfl.nu/o3ng
  Replies (13) Good night (2484) Bad night (493)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (4292) Bad night (686)
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  (760): View more from California

  Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.

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  (760): Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin. http://tfl.nu/jqr4
  Replies (22) Good night (615) Bad night (5134)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Its part of my fall instant classic line.

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  (515): I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot. (407): Its part of my fall instant classic line. http://tfl.nu/v43i
  Replies (13) Good night (3471) Bad night (627)
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  (718): View more from New York

  One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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  (718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx
  Replies (27) Good night (1905) Bad night (4007)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.

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  (254): Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer. http://tfl.nu/oysw
  Replies (16) Good night (2669) Bad night (1088)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.

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  (706): I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life. http://tfl.nu/uth4
  Replies (20) Good night (1479) Bad night (4056)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again

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  (360): super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again http://tfl.nu/5apw
  Replies (37) Good night (1766) Bad night (5234)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

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  (573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0
  Replies (8) Good night (5526) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.

  (408): View more from California

  You've ruined television for me.

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  (408): The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it. (408): You've ruined television for me. http://tfl.nu/32ek
  Replies (4) Good night (2507) Bad night (848)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...

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  (214): Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable... http://tfl.nu/uugd
  Replies (3) Good night (1231) Bad night (796)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.

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  (+61): I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis. http://tfl.nu/imc2
  Replies (7) Good night (1167) Bad night (330)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  am i new drunk or am i still drunk

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  (561): am i new drunk or am i still drunk http://tfl.nu/zvnj
  Replies (3) Good night (653) Bad night (228)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)

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  (240): You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right) http://tfl.nu/pdep
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (213)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.

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  (334): We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started. http://tfl.nu/lnee
  Replies (3) Good night (185) Bad night (438)

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