please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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