u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night