I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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