Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
