we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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