Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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