apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
