There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know her cup size but not her name....
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