I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think my vagina is haunted
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
