I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
