The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
