i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
