Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to have your abortion
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
